Clinger (2015)

clinger_2015_poster
Clinger (2015)
  • Time: 81 min
  • Genre: Comedy | Horror
  • Director: Michael Steves
  • Cast: Vincent Martella, Jennifer Laporte, Julia Aks

Storyline:

Fern Petersen, a driven high school senior, has her life turned upside down when her overly affectionate boyfriend, Robert Klingher, dies in an embarrassing accident. When Robert returns from the dead as a love-sick ghost, he tries to reunite with Fern – only to have his heart broken. As Robert plots to kill Fern so they can be together forever, Fern will have to fight to stay in the world of the living. Clinger is a blood-soaked coming of age story about the horrors of first love.

One review

  • Nothing is scarier than your first love. Its new, it involves getting to know someone deeply, and it usually ends badly.
    But what if your first love was actually scary? If it resembled a storyline from a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode? Most relationships don’t involve the supernatural, ghost, or even heads being cut off. If love was as gory and horrifying as director Michael Steves’ comedy horror Clinger, than perhaps no one would ever try to ever be in a relationship.
    Great comedy horrors don’t come around often, but plenty of mediocre ones do (It is unbelievable to think that the Scary Movie franchise is still putting out films). These movies have to be bloody, dark, and gruesome, all while humoring us with delightful characters and parodies of what we have grown to admire (or mock) in the horror genre.
    Clinger stars Vincent Martella as Robert Klingher, a high school senior who falls for track star Fern Peterson (Jennifer Laporte). Fern seems to have everything going for her, as she is a track and field prospect gaining attention from recruits, along with Robert being her ideal boyfriend. “Ideal” soon turns out to be vicious, as Klingher soon becomes obsessed with his new love, sending her cards, notes, songs, and even celebrating weekly anniversary dates (A one month, 3 week anniversary is a bit much, no?)

    He one day decides to profess his love for Fern, as he makes a stage for her with an “I love you”, with 2 unsafe blades attached. After she decides to break up with him because of his overzealous, he falls back as he pulls the lever and gets decapitated by his device.

    But love last forever, right? Maybe not for half of the marriages in America, but between these two teens, anything is possible! In his death, Robert remains on Earth as a ghost, trying all he can to keep his relationship alive (pun intended). But he again proves to be too clingy, but in all honesty, he can’t help it, since it’s in his name after all. As Fern breaks up with him again, proclaiming that “it’s not that you are dead, it’s that I’m alive,” Robert convinces himself that the only way they can remain together is if she dies and joins him in death.

    Yup. This premise sounds like a manifesto a teenager left behind to his girlfriend, only to find out that she has already moved on with the football star. It is a breath of fresh ghost air to see a new spin on this genre, even more with a lot of unknowns.

    Vincent Martella does his creepy teenage lover part well, reminding us of the pains and heartaches we go through when we think we experience love. Jennifer Laporte as Fern however doesn’t hold the weight necessary to be the other lead. Do we believe that she turns from a girl who acts ditsy with her ghost boyfriend to an action heroine with a good shot? There is a level of absurdity and silliness to the film, but even that was farfetched.

    Where Clinger tried out as a comedy horror, it instead morphed into a romantic comedy masked with pints of blood. But with a cast of unknowns, it suffers from being a film that, although unique, plays between mediocre and decent. With the writing, it feels as though they didn’t know whether to commit to being a rated R meeting or a PG-13 tween movie. Adults can relate to the premise, but not the film itself, as these actors are, unfortunately, just too young to be taken seriously.

    The ghost fight ending is enjoyable, and Fern and Robert’s sex scene is as awkward as is funny, but with the writing lacking true funny moments, Clinger should be treated as nothing more than a great student film that your younger niece submitted to film school. It’s unfair to compare Clinger to Shaun of the Dead or Scary Movie, but that is the standard for comedy horrors. Without the comedy and great horrific scenes, what is left to enjoy for Clinger? Nothing but a great performance by Vincent Martella in a more mature movie, but keeping the same adorable voice from Phineas and Ferb.

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